p 0 v . n e t

On my way home for Christmas this years I was thinking "Home Alone 36"...I was pretty angry to be going home alone again especially when everything in our relationship was really going so well. The abrupt ending didn't leave much room for closure but time has a way of mending holes. Mostly I didn't want to field questions about what had happened. Luckily just about everyone knew so when I was getting out of the car to go in that lonely sinking feeling came over me. Had I failed again? Only this time there weren't any drugs or booze to ease the pain.

Morphine - Gone for Good (Sandman)

I'm never going back never going back to you
I'm never going to see you again
I'm never going to dig out your picture
I'm never going to look you up someday
Life is very short
You don't love me anymore
So I'm never going to see you again
I'm never going to write you a letter
Never going to call you on the phone
I'm never going to drive by your house
I'm never going to catch you coming outside
Never going to walk up your walk
And ring your bell
And feel you fall into my arms
I'm never going to see you
I'm never going to see you

What is it? What makes it work? What makes it not work?

Ah the re la tion ship...

I really don't know what makes them work. Sometimes you have a big huge pile of shit and then it turns into something pretty good. Other times you have this shiny diamond of a relationship and it turns into a big pile of shit. Figure out the equation or riddle up a formula and I'm sure you will be sought after by the masses.

After the surgery I was wheeled up to my room. The transfer from one bed to the next was not much fun. The medical experts tried to move me but I knew it was all bullshit. I was going to have to move myself onto the other bed. I did my best to help and screamed in the process but I was able to get to the other bed. The pain slowly faded and I just tried to stay calm, but it felt like there was a knife in my back.

Seven AM...I pick up the phone and call someone on the phone. I'm not sure who it was but afterward I get up and start the day. I really don't know what to do because I'm emotional and I can't stop crying. I just don't understand why this is happening. I got a text message from her telling me that she just got my message and asking if it is OK if she calls me after her class.

Uh. Yes.

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock...