Yesterday while I was cleaning out my backpack I came across a little metal heart. It was the heart of the only woman I have ever loved. So much and so little locked in that little metal heart. Sometimes I wonder if she will every truly know how much I loved her and how I have not been able to match that love since her departure.
In that moment I realized I am not over her, but is a man ever over his first love? I think not.
I kept this post as a draft and I intended to update it, or, add to it but I don’t feel that way right now so I won’t go there. I am just going to post this as it is. See how feelings change?
Just like the weather…
One thing that really lights a fire under my ass in a good way is meeting someone really cool. That happened to me today at the bus stop in Harvard Square. There is something so special about being able to talk to someone. OK fine she was gorgeous and inteligent, but still it was what it was for the time that it was. I just feels good to connect with someone especially when I go out on a limb and open my mouth and say something.
As she was getting off the bus I put out my hand and said “I’m Aaron” and she said “I’m Chrissy nice chatting with you. Have a good time with your friends”. To that I said “Thanks, see you later”. I realized then that I probably wouldn’t see her again and that is when I wanted to attempt to control the situation by giving her my card or something, but honestly I didn’t want to ruin the moment and that would have, for me anyway.
I am talking about chance, and the only reason I saw her was because I was going to meet my friends. The only reason she met me was because she was coming from a friends house. Our reasons had nothing to do with one another but yet were were able to share an experience without expectations. I miss her already, but I wish her well…:)
So anyway enough about others and more about me! 🙂 I just love it when I can be completely open with people. Life flows so much better when I give completely of myself and don’t hold anything back.
Had a very busy day at work today. That was followed up by a great dinner with some good friends. All people that I have worked with over the years. A few didn’t show but we still had fun.
We ate at the B-Side lounge on Hampshire Street. The food was great and the environment was low-key. At one point I looked at Paul’s beer and thought about taking it and having a sip and that thought “OH shit”. Wierd.
I had steak tips and garlic mashed potatoes with brocolii. MMMMM.
So many friends called me today but I wasn’t able to call everyone back. Hopefully I will be able to do that!
OK the reason for the title of the post is this: Whilst we were sitting at the lounge getting ready to eat the most beautiful woman walking into the joint with her date. They sat down at the table next to us and when she took off her coat all of us stopped speaking and proceeded to look at her ass which was a work of art. God she had a nice ass.
Time for bed.
I quit smoking just over three months ago and today I stepped on a scale and it said that I weighed 205 lbs. When I work out in the morning I always tell the machine that I weigh one hundred and ninety five pounds.
I am sure I have put on weight since I stopped smoking, but I have continued to go to the gym on a regular basis and accept the fact that I may gain some weight. I was talking to a friend tonight and said “I would rather have a flat tire than a toxic lung.”
I have been trying to eat less but damn it man food is so good.
Man did I have an attitude this morning. It didn’t take me too long to get over myself but it was uncomfortable nonetheless. A buddy of mine celebrated 4 years today it was great to be part of his celebration.
Tomorrow is another day. Have a good day unless you have other plans.
I keep pushing myself to perform, to achieve. Sometimes I wonder “How hard is to hard?” Why can’t I just be okay with the status quo? Or maybe it isn’t the case at all that I am working any harder than anyone else. Maybe everyone is working just as hard as I am to stay afloat.
There are so many domains to the lives we lead it sometimes seems impossible to navigate them all in a balanced way. I have simplified, overloaded, simplified and overloaded no way seems to work any better or worse than the other…AHAH it really isn’t about the situations or the nature of what is going on at the time but yet again my perception thereof. I am always the mitigating factor in all of my actions and reactions in this world. Sigh…
I had a really good weekend with my friends. I am so glad that I have friends that truly love me. I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that fact and remind myself that I was happy this weekend. KV reminded me that I should do that so I am…