Seems like forever...I just haven't been writing about all of my wonderful adventures...I suppose I just haven't been taking the time to stop and write down just what exactly is going on...Maybe I'm afraid? Maybe I just don't want to stop? Maybe stopping is an admission of defeat? Or maybe stopping will actually allow me to feel. To sit and soak up all of the feelings in their totality?

In this session I was to deliver all three parts of awkward pose and also eagle pose. My first time up I did pretty well but it was a bit slow and I was questioning at times. I almost got the dialogue perfectly but I missed a line at eagle where "If you are unable to bring your palms together interlace your fingers".

What if all of the things in life you didn't like or weren't satisfied with could just be sent back for a full refund? If that were true I wonder what I'd get back from her? I'd wonder what all of the hearts I'd crushed would get back from me? I'd wonder who would be in charge of making sure the postage was paid for all of our happiness and pain? Do you think it could all fit in one of those little USPS trucks or would we need one of those daisy chained 18 Wheelers?

As much as it feels like I loose in situations I know that I'm winning through experience.

When she was there...

I felt strong

I had a sense of purpose

A reason to be

Someone to be there for under any an all conditions

A champion

A friend

A lover

When she left...

I felt weak

Without purpose

Reasonless

A complete failure

Now that she's gone...

I feel strong

I have a sense of purpose

A reason to be

Someone to be there for under any an all conditions

A champion

A friend

A lover

I just never realized that someone could be me.

The past couple of days I've been thinking about my life and how things are going to change. For anyone who doesn't know I'm going to teacher training to be a Bikram yoga instructor. Over the past few months I've done a lot to set the stage and be ready in as many ways possible. Financially it is a big commitment as I will have to keep things running back at home while I am away at training which lasts 9 weeks. There is so much to think about: money, health insurance, rent ... the list goes on. The big one is the issue of what I'm going to do for work when I get back?